I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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