I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
