I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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