i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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