My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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