my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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