this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
