if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
