i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize