Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
