Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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