Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
