And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
