I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
