Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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