evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
