Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
