So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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