just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
