I need to stop coming to work sober
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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