Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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