There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
