1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
