Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
40s are totally the cure
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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