He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
