Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress