Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did I show you my penis last night?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.