then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother