ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today