my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake