you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes