put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.