dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital