wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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