Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
