her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
