there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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Of course I have a pirate flag
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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