I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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