If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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