peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
