My first STD was from a foam party
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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