we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
