he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
