Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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