my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
