I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
