She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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