Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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