I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
how does that bad decision feel?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
