Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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