my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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