I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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