Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
