I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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