the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
