I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
