you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
