I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
