I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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