hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Life is so much better after having sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
