Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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