Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize