I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
