He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
