trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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