Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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