So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
