By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
