I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
