Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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