Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
