I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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