my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
